letter to ex #3’s lawyer, a prose poem

letter to ex #3’s lawyer, a prose poem
dear ms. lawyer,
first of all, i am not quit claiming my own interest back to myself.  an idiot lawyer in broward county had my mother do this after her own divorce when i was a teenager, and it caused a world of hurt for her, and me.  so, since i know from personal experience how to do this, the quit-claim deed is just him, John Doe, conveying his former interest in the property to me, as follows:  “Jane Smith, formerly known as Jane Doe.”  that’s enough to clear the chain of title forever & correct the problem with him being listed on the tax rolls as the primary owner, which is what caused the little issue of “our” tax bill being sent to HIM at his new house, which tax bill, by the way, he didn’t bother to pass along to me until april 19th.  eleven whole days before they would be considered delinquent.  oh, and AT&T is dunning me for his phone line to his office, used for company business in his capacity as “investment advisor,” which was connected in my name!  isn’t that humorous?
so, so sorry it’s taking me so long to clear up these little details which cause so much stress on your poor client.  i have a lot on my plate — what with a fresh round of vermin infestation (a stubborn family of marsh rats which he drove out of an extremely valuable 100 year old cabbage palm he insisted on removing), as well as healing my relationship with my daughter that he almost destroyed completely, and also, in trying to assemble the tax records which mr. doe is famous for “forgetting” to provide to me IN FULL.  (i’ve had to amend returns because he “forgot” about thousands of dollars in u.s. gov’t savings bonds his parents cashed in and gave to him.) 
oh, and by all means, let’s not forget the lovely experience of being left with negative 11 dollars in the “joint” marital savings account, along with the fact that i’d paid 90% of all the household bills for a decade!  add to that his negative impact on my credit rating and emotional health, and i’d say your client did a remarkably thorough job of fucking up my life, wouldn’t you?
thank you for your patience.  and professional courtesy.  FINALLY.
professionally yours,
Kimberly Townsend Palmer


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6 responses to “letter to ex #3’s lawyer, a prose poem

  1. BTW, Robert Alfred Kamarowski, it’s not just me you harmed with your cowardice & faithfulness & atheism. It’s also my precious daughter. Your former stepdaughter? Remember her? The 15 year old girl your “lawyer’s” private investigator served with your badly written, legally flawed, typo-ridden divorce petition, because he was too incompetent to find ME?


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