Monthly Archives: September 2014

September 30, 2014 · 10:41 am

Teach Us (Throwback Tuesday)

Please….

Teach us to be gentle instead of always anger,
Teach us to be humbled and learn not to be bitter,

Teach us to care and value sanctity of marriage,
Teach us to carry each other to the days of old age.
Teach us to decide and think as one body,
Teach us to treat the marriage as holy.

Teach us to raise our kids by Your words,
Teach us to believe that Your words are double-edged swords.
Teach us to not be blinded by love to our children,
That we may lead them to God’s forsaken den.

Teach us to believe You and leave our worries,
Teach us to be stronger despite of life’s difficulties,
Teach us to walk on Your path
Teach us to avoid your wrath

It’s been a year since I composed this poem with the help of WP friend named Fiona, I haven’t visited her blog for…

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September 30, 2014 · 10:41 am

OPTIMIST vs PESSIMIST

Perfect!

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September 30, 2014 · 9:57 am

Fluidity, a poem

Her dress–the color of pool water, printed with bright tropical flowers,

her earrings, falling beads like particles of sunlight on water, her hair, silvery-blonde, cascading down one side of her face like water, or frozen water… she is cool, refreshing, drinkable.

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Filed under health, love, poetry

Tagged as beauty, flowers, poetry, tropical, water

September 30, 2014 · 9:53 am

Trying To Explain, a poem

Trying to Explain, a poem

How do you explain to outsiders what was bad about the marriage?

Take them down the aisle with you, make them wear the white satin dress so stiff and heavy, embroidered with pearls, it left deep red welts for 24 hours.

Was your first inkling when, on the way to the honeymoon bed, he had to stop to get the car washed? Next, take them with you to the hotel room where there was nothing, absolutely nothing left to talk about. Put on the black nightgown he requested and hunger for food if nothing else, order room service, you wanted a juicy cheeseburger, he even found fault in that. He had steak, rare. It was his wedding night, after all.

Don’t forget how his education was far superior to yours, he had worked harder for everything he possessed, including you. His mental health put you to shame. You were so tired from getting married you fell asleep before having sex. Next morning it occurred to you it wasn’t too late, you could still get out on a technicality. Mistakes get made, are remedied 9 years later.

In between the first day and the last, hordes of memories press between the sheets. Detritus from a dying institution. Tell them about your body, how it remained cold, so cold even the touch of a well-educated fool couldn’t wake it. Give examples: he called you a bitch 78 times, neurotic, 207 times, a whining baby, 134 times… tell me, how many times was too many?

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Tagged as anger, betrayal, communication, compassion, divorce, dreams, emotional abuse, explanation, faith, marriage, marriage counseling, poetry, prose poetry

September 30, 2014 · 9:43 am

August In Florida, a poem

August in Florida

Outside, people crowd around water. Heat, the bright aqua of water, smell of chlorine and sun lotion. Coconut, spice. Young girls with slender hips, high breasts. Mincing, they walk barefoot over the burning concrete. Ankle bracelets. Hairless women, hairy men. Some men look vaguely female–lack body hair, possess slender torso, a feminine grace. They practice diving off the high platform, catapulting through the air like minor gods.

Spindly little children, bowlegged, one girl like a large walking doll, Wedgewood eyes, white skin, hair almost white, but so fierce. She puts her face in the water, proud of herself, comes up spitting, does it over and over. This girl’s mother, slim, pale body like a teenager’s, but her face red and sun-aged, enormous Southern twang. A former cheerleader, rural Georgia or Alabama. Lying on the blistering concrete, eyes closed, listening to the sounds of laughter and splashing. My sore back, the heat melting the ache away.

On the towel closest to me, a young girl, pretty, bleached blonde hair with dark roots showing, golden-brown string bikini that matches her skin, her perfect feet. Sudden thunder, the pool closed, into the locker rooms for 20 minutes. Live oaks, huge spread branches like arms reaching into the sky. The arms are shading, watchful. The oaks are like sentinels. The moss hangs like underarm hair. Young boys, thick and awkward, walk stiff-legged. They turn dark reddish-brown, but look silly next to the black kids. Tall, skinny black boy with red hair, a crew cut. His mama, a large woman in bright blue tank suit and neon orange shorts, matching neon bathing cap. Her earrings graze the sides of her neck. She isn’t ready to leave yet. He watches the girls, pretending not to.

Over there, a skinny, burnt woman with bad teeth, yet her daughters are so lovely, so young and fair and smooth. How did she produce them? A hippie girl with a blonde baby boy, crooning one minute, yelling the next, she holds him on her hip, sways in the sun. More and more women look like those prehistoric clay fertility figurines, heavy hanging breasts, stomach overlapping their thighs. I lie still and watch, lazy with the heat, my own weight.

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Tagged as august, beauty, bikini, blonde, boys, child, dragonfly, florida, girls, hippie, maturity, men, pool, swimming, teenager, women, youth

September 30, 2014 · 9:27 am

Why I Hate You, a poem

Why I Hate You

You know why I hate you? You’re a weak vine, needing to be propped up, needing more comfort than a baby. You imagine bugs, crawling up the walls, down your hair. Their wings whir in the night like soft sobs.

I hate you because you’re ugly — a slob, a slut, a sucker. Because you saw your mother passed out on the carpet in front of the television, one too many times, but you didn’t kill her the way she wanted to be killed. You didn’t help when she needed you. Because you let yourself be unimportant for so many years and did nothing to help yourself until it was too late, until you’d already lost the war. Peace came on unfavorable terms, the enemy couldn’t be placated.

I hate you because you’re afraid of the dark. When you’re with a man, you lean on the solidity of his body, the real beat of his heart, you listen to his rhythmic breathing, and you’re not afraid anymore, but you start to get antsy. His body sounds so much stronger than yours. They don’t cry the way you do. Does that mean they don’t feel? Why do they want to be with the likes of you? You don’t have the slightest idea what you want from them. Late at night is the worst. The stars unfold ahead of you, and you can’t find your way to the future, stupid bitch.

That’s when I hate you the most. You’re utterly without honor. You imagine your ex-husband, fat and happy in his bed, eating candy. He doesn’t suffer like you do, he has already forgotten why he married you in the first place. He is perfect. He is way above you in the cosmos, he is light, reason. Your life is insignificant, ignorant and small, and won’t leave a shadow.

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Tagged as anger, betrayal, boys, bravery, bride, compassion, crying, death, divorce, dreams, emotion, emotional abuse, everything, failure, faith, family, fear, forgiveness, girls, groom, hate, husband, irony, karma, love, man, marriage, men, peace, sex, war, wedding, wife, woman, women

September 27, 2014 · 7:55 am

Jihad and the Mother: Further Profile Pic Reflections

Yes!

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Tagged as compassion

September 25, 2014 · 2:17 pm

president barack obama is being quoted out of context by the radical fringe right, and I’M SICK & FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT

the full text of president obama’s speech in which he advocates FOR democracy, not AGAINST it. a paragraph is being circulated, ENTIRELY OUT OF CONTEXT, to defame him. I WON’T STAND FOR THIS SHIT.

“And it was here in Europe, through centuries of struggle, through war and enlightenment, repression and revolution, that a particular set of ideals began to emerge, the belief that through conscience and free will, each of us has the right to live as we choose, the belief that po…wer is derived from the consent of the governed and that laws and institutions should be established to protect that understanding.

And those ideas eventually inspired a band of colonialists across an ocean, and they wrote them into the founding documents that still guide America today, including the simple truth that all men, and women, are created equal.

But those ideals have also been tested, here in Europe and around the world. Those ideals have often been threatened by an older, more traditional view of power. This alternative vision argues that ordinary men and women are too small-minded to govern their own affairs, that order and progress can only come when individuals surrender their rights to an all-powerful sovereign. Often this alternative vision roots itself in the notion that by virtue of race or faith or ethnicity, some are inherently superior to others and that individual identity must be defined by us versus them, or that national greatness must flow not by what people stand for, but what they are against.

In so many ways, the history of Europe in the 20th century represented the ongoing clash of these two sets of ideas, both within nations and among nations. The advance of industry and technology outpaced our ability to resolve our differences peacefully. And even — even among the most civilized of societies on the surface, we saw a descent into barbarism.”

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Tagged as commander in chief, democracy, disrespect, faux news, fox news, hatred, hypocrisy, lies, out of context, peace, racism, truth, ultra right wing, war

September 22, 2014 · 9:54 am

Heavenly Dances, Heavenly Intimacies, a short story

“Isn’t there any heaven where old beautiful dances, old beautiful intimacies prolong themselves?”

Ford Madox Ford, The Good Soldier

How can I be “dead” to any of the men I once loved? They are not “dead” to me. Not even H. How can I be “dead” to H.? They — even H. — are each as alive as when I was with them; as alive as the first time they touched me, whether tentatively or with confidence; whether softly or roughly; whether with passion or mere lust. It is shocking and appalling how H. lurched so radically to the right after 9/11. He began that journey to the Tea-Party-Mad-Hatter-Neocon-Bill-Buckley-Wall-Street-Apologist-Fringe-Brainless-Faux-News-Right when Ronald Reagan was shot; I was with him the very night it happened. We had a short affair, right then, because we started thinking the end of the world had arrived and we decided, like the crazy college students we were, to get married to celebrate our courage in the face of chaos! I realized very early on (but still way too late!) I was embarrassed to be seen in public with him. Did you ever start seeing, and marry someone whom you later realized you were embarrassed to be seen with? Perhaps the person in question was “dorky,” “geeky,” dressed “badly,” or had questionable “taste.” H. readily admits he was a “dork” in high school. He was on the debate team; need I say more? When you can’t bear to be seen in your lover’s/spouse’s/significant other’s/partner’s company, things usually don’t work out.

Still, I put in ten dutiful years, trying to make amends for my mistake in marrying H. The second he started making the big bucks, he dumped me. He left me for my best friend! I guess I deserved it, not taking control of my own life & filing for divorce two weeks after we married. And I guess I deserved how my ex-best-friend S. ruined me, as she subsequently did. She was in charge of the whole group we had socialized with: dictating how everyone in our “circle” should think, speak, act, or react. H. was dead wrong about most everything, but, to his credit, he was dead right about her. At the time I thought him merely woman-hating, but I see now, even though he did hate women, there was something more than simply being a “woman” he hated about her. He was covering up the fact he loved her by pretending to hate her. Now, I have no desire to see her, not ever again. She is definitely “dead” to me. Yes, I understand intellectually, a living death (call it shunning) can happen to anyone.

The upshot of all this boring history? I’ve been waiting for something a long time. I can’t blame anyone but myself for my unhappiness, not anymore. There is something dispirited inside me, something empty, drained, and beaten — something sick, something tired, something that has surrendered. I gave up, when? When my first ex-husband arbitrarily said no to children, breaking his solemn vow. When I realized I couldn’t find happiness outside myself — not with an old love, not with a new love, not with any of my subsequent husbands, my friends, my eventual children, or my family. Yes, to casual acquaintances and virtual strangers I am “happy, happier than I’ve ever been.” And it’s true! I’ve never been this happy, this contented, in my life. Yes, there are still problems. My oldest son is still half the world away, fighting an endless war on behalf of my “country.” My youngest son still has an ignorant, racist, rabidly conservative father. I am getting old. My face is melting. My neck is turning into a wattle. I am drooping.

Still, I cannot imagine any of them, the men I have loved or made love to, being dead to me the way my former best friend, S., is dead to me. Yet that is how they must feel about me, the way I feel about her. Wanting her removed from my memories. Wanting never to have met her. Not missing anything about her. She wants to see me, I heard from a mutual friend I still speak to. I don’t want to see her, or even see the mutual friend. I don’t even want to get as close as that! Because of reasons. Top secret, NSA, DOD, CIA, FBI, SEC, IRS, FDLE, GPD, ACSO reasons! No further comment!

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Filed under artistic failures, assholes, boys, con man, con men, criminal, criminal behavior, criminals, fathers, he, health, humor, hypocrisy, idiots, jerks, karma, love, mothers, mysterious, sex, short stories, tea party mad hatters, ultra right wing loons, users

Tagged as 9/11, anger, baby, beauty, betrayal, birth, boys, bravery, child, children, compassion, Crime, death, divorce, dreams, emotional abuse, everything, faith, family, fear, female, forgiveness, friendship, god, gratitude, Greed, grief, guilt, hate, hatred, healing, Health, heart, heartbreak, heroism, hope, horror, hypocrisy, illness, insanity, joy, justice, law, life, literature, loss, love, male, man, marriage, memory, men, money, mother, motherhood, murder, pain, parenting, peace, Prayer, punishment, regret, Relationships, romance

September 19, 2014 · 1:35 pm

Bill Whittle (William Alfred Whittle), “PJTV” ultra-right-wing, neocon “media darling”… owes the government a BUNCH of money! he always did expect the world owed him a living… hypocrisy in the Corporate States of Amerka has been brewing for a long, long time. Since Ronald Wilson Reagan, good old “666,” as we used to call him!

RECORD 1

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20101300981 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 20101300981

Filing Type: County Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20100915 Amount Liability: $93.00

Address: 12611 Pacific Ave #102 City: Los Angeles

State: Ca Zip: 90066

Plaintiff: County Of Los Angeles Court Code: Calosc1

Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: County Tax Lien

RECORD 2

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 199033123 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 199033123

Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien – Income Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 19901200 Amount Liability: $25,922.00

Address: 12659 Rd 36 City: Madera

State: Ca Zip: 93637

Plaintiff: Usa Irs Court Code: Ca173

Court Name: Merced County, Merced Recorders Office Unlawful Detainer: N

RECORD 3

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 2003854138 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 2003854138

Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien – Income Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 19950200 Amount Liability: $26,422.00

Address: 12659 Rd 36 City: Madera

State: Ca Zip: 93637

Plaintiff: Usa Irs Court Code: Ca173

Court Name: Merced County, Merced Recorders Office Unlawful Detainer: N

RECORD 4

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 199126935 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 199126935

Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien – Income Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 19911000 Amount Liability: $50,217.00

Address: 3765 W Mckinley City: Fresno

State: Ca Zip: 93722

Plaintiff: Usa Irs Court Code: Ca173

Court Name: Merced County, Merced Recorders Office Unlawful Detainer: N

RECORD 5

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 2003323754 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 2003323754

Filing Type: Eviction With $ Amount Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20060629 Amount Liability: $812.00

Address: 8405 Rio San Diego Dr Apt 5114 City: San Diego

State: Ca Zip: 92108

Plaintiff: Sares Regis Holdings Inc Court Code: Ca235

Unlawful Detainer: Y

RECORD 6

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20080584715 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20080584715

Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20080404 Amount Liability: $14,149.00

Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles

State: Ca Zip: 90066

Plaintiff: Internal Revenue Service Court Code: Calosc1

Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: Federal Tax Lien

RECORD 7

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20090343392 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20090343392

Filing Type: State Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20090311 Amount Liability: $6,784.00

Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles

State: Ca Zip: 90066

Plaintiff: State Of California Court Code: Calosc1

Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: State Tax Lien

RECORD 8

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20101659997 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20101659997

Filing Type: County Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20101118 Amount Liability: $3,859.00

Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles

State: Ca Zip: 90066

Plaintiff: County Of Los Angeles Court Code: Calosc1

Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: County Tax Lien

RECORD 9

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20110604035 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20110604035

Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien Release Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20080404 Amount Liability: $14,149.00

Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles

State: Ca Zip: 90066

Plaintiff: Internal Revenue Service Court Code: Calosc1

Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: Federal Tax Lien

RECORD 10

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20110604673 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20110604673

Filing Type: State Tax Lien Release Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20090311 Amount Liability: $6,784.00

Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles

State: Ca Zip: 90066

Plaintiff: State Of California Court Code: Calosc1

Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: State Tax Lien

RECORD 11

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20110671881 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20110671881

Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien Release Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20101118 Amount Liability: $3,859.00

Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles

State: Ca Zip: 90066

Plaintiff: Internal Revenue Service Court Code: Calosc1

Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: Federal Tax Lien

RECORD 12

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 2003C009034 844 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 2003C009034 844

Filing Type: Civil Judgment Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20000700 Amount Liability: $6,379.00

Address: 3765 Mckinley W City: Fresno

State: Ca Zip: 93722

Plaintiff: Intl Cr Court Code: Ca059

Court Name: Fresno County, Fresno Municipal Court Unlawful Detainer: N

RECORD 13

CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20100007635 AT THE COURT HOUSE

Defendant: Whittle, William J Case Number: 20100007635

Filing Type: State Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record

Filing Date: 20100105 Amount Liability: $4,949.00

Address: 4267 Marina City Dr #504 City: Marina Del Rey

State: Ca Zip: 90292

Plaintiff: State Of California Court Code: Calosc1

Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: State Tax Lien

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Filed under artistic failures, assholes, con man, con men, criminal, criminal behavior, criminals, hypocrisy, idiots, jerks, karma, legal writing, mysterious, notes, tea party mad hatters, ultra right wing loons, users

Tagged as bad filmmaking, bad in bed, bad social commentary, bad video, baloney, bill whittle, bologna, boring, conservative, corporate apologist, deadbeat, deadbeat taxpayers, deadbeats, dodos, dumb, extinct, fail, Greed, guns, hypocrisy, hypocrite, insanity, mad hatters, misogynist, misogyny, pjtv, stupid, tax liens, tea party, ugly, ultra right wing, wrong

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Monthly Archives: September 2014

Teach Us (Throwback Tuesday)

OPTIMIST vs PESSIMIST

Fluidity, a poem

Trying To Explain, a poem

August In Florida, a poem

Why I Hate You, a poem

Jihad and the Mother: Further Profile Pic Reflections

president barack obama is being quoted out of context by the radical fringe right, and I’M SICK & FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT

Heavenly Dances, Heavenly Intimacies, a short story

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