Tag Archives: misogyny
Love Kills
Love Kills
My adversary and his minions usually attacked me right after we all got off the school bus in our small neighborhood. I’d be walking home, trying to pretend it wasn’t happening, but still hearing the sweaty, red-faced boys from my small neighborhood draw together and trail at my heels like a pack of wolves, barking. I was a dog-girl, they taunted me in my own language. I’ve wasted too much time trying to figure out this cruelty; and at the same time I can’t stop myself wondering why – falling into the black chasm of shame. Ugliness. Who defines it?
I love the idea of a man, regardless.
One of this group of horrid bullies was the first boy I ever kissed. That was the result of a game of spin-the-bottle, behind the holly bushes at the end of the canal. The trashy, sandy space between the seawall and the bowling alley parking lot, where the branches of the mangroves trailed down into the murky water like the sad arms of ghosts. He kissed me there. His lips were wet, trembling, soft as a child’s, and softer than mine. Why’d he kiss me, then? That’s what I’ve asked a thousand times. How often are we tested, and found wanting, and given another chance to learn? As many times as it takes. Neither Heaven nor Hell throw souls away. Souls are the green energy of the cosmos. Protect yours from those who would use, abuse, and dispose of yours.
I love the idea of a man, regardless.
Did you ever kiss someone you wouldn’t be caught dead with in daily life? The answer is yes. You all did; everyone does. But, following your mistake, did you then gather up your friends and acquaintances and confront that (unfortunately) kissed person daily? Did you, and a gang of six to ten of your closest friends, pant and bark at that person as a pack of relentless, nipping wild dogs, depositing flecks of their own frothy spittle onto the back of that person’s fleeing, burning neck? Did you then taunt that ugly person with your ugly sounds of ugliness every single ugly day for an ugly year, or two? Each time it happened, it threatened to swamp my tiny little life, which already sucked for reasons I will not go into here and now.
I love the idea of a man, regardless.
I beat that ugliness which was thrust into my face like a chunk of petrified dogshit… back and back and back… with the mental & emotional equivalent of a baseball bat, a tennis racket, a golf club, a shield, a mirror, a fantasy. My job was to strap that ugly shit into a straightjacket and lock it in the asylum of the mind. On better days my adversary wasn’t cruel, but fast and solid, like when I bounced against him in a crowded game of flashlight tag. His immovable, sweaty arms encircled me that late spring twilight, and though I wriggled and strained to get away, I wondered what it was like; making love with a boy, how it would feel, our naked bodies pressed together, his aroused skin slipping into my aroused skin, male into female, a warm knife into butter. If organized bullying is the modern equivalent of hair pulling… count me out.
I love the idea of a man, regardless.
Counterpoint to my adversary’s cruelty were the sweet, funny, flirty boys seated on both sides of me at the back of the room in seventh-grade English class, a tall one and a tiny one just like Mutt & Jeff. These boys wore their clothes confidently, as if the cloth covering them wasn’t important, wasn’t doing them any favors. The way their smooth skin flowed out of their shirtsleeves made me crazy. It was as if women were a part of them, not something foreign. The taller of the boys once reached out and touched my ass, not sly or shy, just placing his open palm against my turned hip like it was a loaf of bread. He never, ever looked my way without smiling.
I love the idea of a man, regardless.
A few years later, I was almost raped. I made a mistake and went to this older guy’s apartment, as clean and tidy as a church. That guy climbed atop me again and again, rumpling his king-sized, black satin-sheeted bed. It seemed as though hours went by, my legs protecting me like twin automatic pistons, pushing his nude weight off and away. He didn’t become violent; finally he quit trying. But later, I let him teach me how to kiss. To leave off a man’s mouth slowly, gently, instead of rising away like a slap interrupted. The sweetest postlude I ever had? A male model who brought me a warm, wet washcloth, after. His whole body was as hard and smooth and glossy as a horse’s. He held my knees up and softly swabbed me like a baby. I never saw him again. And, ladies and gentlemen, devotees of love… is there any other kind but the kind that kills? Love is not a lifetime, money-back guarantee.
I love the idea of a man, regardless.
Filed under acceptance, adolescence, anger, anthropology, assholes, compassion, courage, criminal behavior, development, evolution, faith, forgiveness, grief, health, heart, history, hope, hypocrisy, identity, idiots, ignorance, insecurity, jerks, justice, karma, kindness, law, life, logic, loss, mourning, mysterious, personal responsibility, rant, relationships, soul, spirit, spiritual, spirituality, teenagers, transitions, truth, youth
Baby Chicks and Free Speech, a short story
Baby Chicks and Free Speech, a short story
Here I am, sitting on the long, narrow side patio of “Ye Olde Neighborhood Coffee Parlor” listening to yet another, tiresome & self-aggrandizing, homeless guy tell some adoring young female his “war stories.” So this one night, under this bridge… they usually begin, as does this one.
And then they arrive as quickly as possible (as does this one) at the “no one dares to call the police on me anymore,” stage, or is it no one dares call the state troopers, or the FBI, or the CIA, or the NSA? Whatever. Boils down to the fact that some dangerous, or just plain, old, drug-addled sociopath, is trying to pick up a drunk, defenseless-seeming chick (and I do mean chick – even her hair is fluffy like a newly hatched & dried chicken’s) on the side porch at “Ye Olde Neighborhood Coffee Parlor.” Then I hear the magic words: crazy bitch! Bingo!
So, to cut a long, boring, pointless ordeal short, I let him have it in the face with both barrels. Told him from where I sat, not even lifting my head to look, or my pencil from page of the blank composition book I was writing in, that if he could call someone a “crazy bitch” loud enough for me to hear him all the way at the opposite end of the uncovered concrete patio, then I could call him a “stupid, fucking sociopathic, prick asshole” as loud as I wanted to, from my end of the patio.
“Yes,” he said, “that’s your right of free speech.” And then he went inside to have the management call the cops on me. Ooh, he just trotted back out to tell me he works at the College of Law — he’s real important!
The poor, homeless chick I was afraid was going to end up as a body dumped by him somewhere along the nearest exit of the nearest interstate is not going with him now, she’s clutching her head and moaning how she was “just on my way to the lake, man!” She sounds like Janis Joplin after a shot of heroin and half a bottle of whiskey. I just kept telling her I loved her, over and over and over. And that he most definitely did NOT love her. Or have her best interests at heart.
I gave him a fucking piece of my mind. Maybe I didn’t save her life, but I definitely saved her poor, little, skinny ass from a predatory, muscle-bound hunk of steroidal ego-maniac-ism. With a tanning booth tan, or maybe it’s a spray tan, who gives a fuck. I think the other patrons inside this place just told him to get the hell out of here. We’re all here, some of us twice a day, almost like clockwork – since this is the first time I’ve ever seen him, I doubt he is a “regular.”
Oh, but the poor, unjustly accused, wee man-child protests plaintively he was “just trying to do somebody a favor, buying a homeless person a cup of coffee.” The “crazy bitch” he referred to outside on the patio was, drum roll please… his mother! Wow, there’s a shocker. What sociopath/serial killer/manipulator/user/con man/misogynist/racist/violent/physically or emotionally or financially abusive A-hole doesn’t blame their “crazy bitch” of a mother for everything they’ve brought on to themselves!
I told him she must really love him, his mom, especially when he calls her “crazy bitch” to her face on Mother’s Day! I thought his head would explode right there, all over the rusty, rickety, nasty tables the owner is too cheap to replace. Why I keep coming back here, I’ll never know. My nephew says it’s haunted… maybe the spirits are trying to get me here so they can tell me something I desperately need to know. What if I don’t want to listen to them? And I don’t! Not the bad ones, anyway. So I generally try to ignore them all, altogether, because trying to sort the good spirits from the bad spirits seems like tempting fate.
Miss “Chicken Little/Little Chicken/My Little Chickadee” would have paid handsomely for that “free” iced coffee drink with a priceless piece of her tiny, bony ass. Look on the bright side: maybe she would have left him with a little something infectious and/or potentially itchy to remember her by. Of course, if she had gotten pregnant, he would have denied everything, including ever having met her. And pity the poor child born of such a freak-o-zoid union!
Now the musclebound sociopath is gone, back on his expensive racing bike, continuing on his way to the neighborhood weightlifting “meat market” joint three blocks down the road, where he can peacock his spray-tanned asshole-ry around for all the other macho/macha bodybuilders. College of Law employee? We’ll just see about that. Yeah, that’s what I thought… nobody on the staff possesses his distinctive face. How considerate of the College of Law to have its own mini-facebook thing! Legal Sociopath Dude vacated the premises, and quickly. Thank you, all good spirits haunting “Ye Olde Neighborhood Coffee Parlor!”
Filed under boys, fathers, girls, health, humor, legal writing, love, mothers, mysterious, prose poetry, science, sex, short stories
Kimberly Townsend Palmer 
Bill Whittle (William Alfred Whittle), “PJTV” ultra-right-wing, neocon “media darling”… owes the government a BUNCH of money! he always did expect the world owed him a living… hypocrisy in the Corporate States of Amerka has been brewing for a long, long time. Since Ronald Wilson Reagan, good old “666,” as we used to call him!
RECORD 1
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20101300981 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 20101300981
Filing Type: County Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20100915 Amount Liability: $93.00
Address: 12611 Pacific Ave #102 City: Los Angeles
State: Ca Zip: 90066
Plaintiff: County Of Los Angeles Court Code: Calosc1
Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: County Tax Lien
RECORD 2
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 199033123 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 199033123
Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien – Income Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 19901200 Amount Liability: $25,922.00
Address: 12659 Rd 36 City: Madera
State: Ca Zip: 93637
Plaintiff: Usa Irs Court Code: Ca173
Court Name: Merced County, Merced Recorders Office Unlawful Detainer: N
RECORD 3
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 2003854138 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 2003854138
Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien – Income Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 19950200 Amount Liability: $26,422.00
Address: 12659 Rd 36 City: Madera
State: Ca Zip: 93637
Plaintiff: Usa Irs Court Code: Ca173
Court Name: Merced County, Merced Recorders Office Unlawful Detainer: N
RECORD 4
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 199126935 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 199126935
Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien – Income Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 19911000 Amount Liability: $50,217.00
Address: 3765 W Mckinley City: Fresno
State: Ca Zip: 93722
Plaintiff: Usa Irs Court Code: Ca173
Court Name: Merced County, Merced Recorders Office Unlawful Detainer: N
RECORD 5
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 2003323754 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William Case Number: 2003323754
Filing Type: Eviction With $ Amount Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20060629 Amount Liability: $812.00
Address: 8405 Rio San Diego Dr Apt 5114 City: San Diego
State: Ca Zip: 92108
Plaintiff: Sares Regis Holdings Inc Court Code: Ca235
Unlawful Detainer: Y
RECORD 6
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20080584715 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20080584715
Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20080404 Amount Liability: $14,149.00
Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles
State: Ca Zip: 90066
Plaintiff: Internal Revenue Service Court Code: Calosc1
Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: Federal Tax Lien
RECORD 7
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20090343392 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20090343392
Filing Type: State Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20090311 Amount Liability: $6,784.00
Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles
State: Ca Zip: 90066
Plaintiff: State Of California Court Code: Calosc1
Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: State Tax Lien
RECORD 8
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20101659997 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20101659997
Filing Type: County Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20101118 Amount Liability: $3,859.00
Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles
State: Ca Zip: 90066
Plaintiff: County Of Los Angeles Court Code: Calosc1
Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: County Tax Lien
RECORD 9
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20110604035 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20110604035
Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien Release Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20080404 Amount Liability: $14,149.00
Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles
State: Ca Zip: 90066
Plaintiff: Internal Revenue Service Court Code: Calosc1
Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: Federal Tax Lien
RECORD 10
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20110604673 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20110604673
Filing Type: State Tax Lien Release Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20090311 Amount Liability: $6,784.00
Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles
State: Ca Zip: 90066
Plaintiff: State Of California Court Code: Calosc1
Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: State Tax Lien
RECORD 11
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20110671881 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 20110671881
Filing Type: Federal Tax Lien Release Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20101118 Amount Liability: $3,859.00
Address: 12611 Pacific Av #102 City: Los Angeles
State: Ca Zip: 90066
Plaintiff: Internal Revenue Service Court Code: Calosc1
Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: Federal Tax Lien
RECORD 12
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 2003C009034 844 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William A Case Number: 2003C009034 844
Filing Type: Civil Judgment Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20000700 Amount Liability: $6,379.00
Address: 3765 Mckinley W City: Fresno
State: Ca Zip: 93722
Plaintiff: Intl Cr Court Code: Ca059
Court Name: Fresno County, Fresno Municipal Court Unlawful Detainer: N
RECORD 13
CIVIL RECORD VERIFICATION: CONFIRM CASE # 20100007635 AT THE COURT HOUSE
Defendant: Whittle, William J Case Number: 20100007635
Filing Type: State Tax Lien Entity Type: Individual Record
Filing Date: 20100105 Amount Liability: $4,949.00
Address: 4267 Marina City Dr #504 City: Marina Del Rey
State: Ca Zip: 90292
Plaintiff: State Of California Court Code: Calosc1
Court Name: La County / Recorder Of Deeds Action Type: State Tax Lien
7 Comments
Filed under artistic failures, assholes, con man, con men, criminal, criminal behavior, criminals, hypocrisy, idiots, jerks, karma, legal writing, mysterious, notes, tea party mad hatters, ultra right wing loons, users
Tagged as bad filmmaking, bad in bed, bad social commentary, bad video, baloney, bill whittle, bologna, boring, conservative, corporate apologist, deadbeat, deadbeat taxpayers, deadbeats, dodos, dumb, extinct, fail, Greed, guns, hypocrisy, hypocrite, insanity, mad hatters, misogynist, misogyny, pjtv, stupid, tax liens, tea party, ugly, ultra right wing, wrong