Dear Diary: March 30, 1976

A note to the archeologist:  March 30, 1976, was Tuesday, dawning under the sign of Aries. The US president was Gerald Ford (a Republican). People in the USA were listening to “Disco Lady” by Johnnie Taylor. In the UK, “I Love To Love,” by Tina Charles was in the top 5 hits. “The Bad News Bears,” directed by Michael Ritchie, was one of the most popular movies.   “Curtain” by Agatha Christie was one of the best sellers in the US, according to the New York Times (then referred to as the Gray Lady).  It was a strange time.  The Bicentennial & the AIDS epidemic were coming in July.  So was Queen Elizabeth… to Boston Harbor!

Dear Diary:

Tuesday March 30, 1976

Really, I have been going through some bad times lately. Today, as an example, these things happened.

1) I almost missed the bus and had to run all the way to the stop.  I would have had to walk & it’s over two miles & I would have been late & gotten more detentions & who needs that raft of shit about it from my hypocritical, alcoholic, despicable parental units (one biological, one step).  At least, at last count.
2)  My Geometry teacher was absent, and he gave us another fantastically hard worksheet to do in his absence.  Of course, I didn’t do a bit of it.
3)  I let slip something that Melinda told me not to tell anyone, and now Kelly C. is mad at her.  I have begged all of them not to tell me any secrets as I don’t know how to keep them (except for the secrets at home, which is necessary to avoid being killed).
4)  I found out my best Eng. teacher is going to be gone for 5 (five) weeks and we’re having some lame substitute.  What preparation for Hatley’s next year!  I probably won’t even get to be an editor on the student literary magazine that his junior class screens work for.  Ha, Ha, ha!
5) While practicing driving, I left the emergency brakes on in the Beetle throughout, perhaps ruining the car.

And, the list of things that have happened in the last few months are not so hot, either.

(1)  My grandfather (who I hadn’t known at all since I was 18 months) died.
(2)  I got in a car accident the first time I actually drove with my learner’s permit.
(3)  My mother resumed her alcoholism.

(4)  I got into a horrible fight with my stepfather.  I am literally his red-headed stepchild & he is on his way out the door.  He’s sleeping on the fucking couch & my mom is begging him to go to counseling but it’s already too late because he’s fucking my mom’s best friend.

I found that bitch’s hair combs in the Beetle between the seat & the weird heater controls that look like a plucked roasting chicken.  That’s why I left the fucking emergency brake on accidentally, I was breathing so hard & felt so cold inside.  She was supposedly my mom’s best friend!  Her own husband just dumped her, supposedly  because she was cheating on him.  Cheating on him with who???  My mom’s best friend has decided she wants my stepdad.  She needs a new man who will let her be the boss.

My mom needs her husband of 11 years to keep loving her.  My mom loves that asshole still.  He’s mean.   My stepdad has decided he will start over.  There is no starting over, not really, not ever, not once you have a child with someone.  What about my little brother?  What about me?  My stepdad has been in my life since I was four years old!  Shit.

(5)  I got in a fight with a girl in PE because I asked her to be quiet when we were trapped in the locker room because of rain (the boys always, always, always get the gym when it rains) & I wanted to work on my Physics problems.

(6)  I sprained my ankle running out to the car to roll up the windows because mom asked me to, in the rain, and I am (as they have impressed upon me) as “graceful as the bird they call the elephant.”

(7)  I’ve lost hope for a boyfriend. Nothing good will ever happen to me. I’m fat, ugly, have zits, and don’t have any friends because I am an alien from another planet and I don’t truly understand this fucked up human world.  Dogs make sense.  Ducks make sense.  Dolphins make sense.  Flowers make sense.  Ants make sense.  Even cockroaches make sense, once you see the world from their point of view.  Humans don’t seem to have any stable point of view at all!  Where is Spock when you need him to ask you to the prom?  Nowhere.  I look at the stars & pray to whoever is out there to be rescued from this awful movie.

As I look back on this, it seems incredibly full of blatant self-pity.  C’est la vie.  Ah, yes… tomorrow is sure to be a good day, too.  I’ll probably have to go out on the road in Driver’s Ed and I can’t even drive.  Probably on Federal Highway!  Probably right at the corner of Federal & Oakland Park!  Right by the entrance to my neighborhood!  In front of my friends!  Having a wreck on Federal & Oakland right in front of the Kenann Building!  The one with the beautiful tile mural & plus it’s actually ROUND.

Also, we’re doing nifty Physical Fitness tests!  That ought to be good for a vomit, 2 strokes and a sprinkling of heart attacks.  I play golf & tennis & swim & climb trees.  I am not that fast… I am stubborn & don’t give up.

I am really tired of this sequence of events. I hate everything.  If I don’t get out of this rut of badness, I think I’ll lose my crackers.

I have had serial crushes on almost every guy I know and nothing has happened.  I’m destined to be a shriveled, worthless little old person.  I’ll probably flunk out of college, (knock on wood)!  This summer will not come soon enough, although I’ll probably not get that job at LaDera Citrus in Ojai.  Then I really will go nuts.  Oh, fuck it.  Now for the good things.

1)  I might make the honor society.
2)  I think I did extremely well on my report card.
3)  I haven’t died yet.
4)  I still have 1 (one) friend.

That’s all, folks!