
leslie moreland gaines, “documentary filmmaker,” con man, artistic failure, hypocrite, and all around evil son of a bitch

leslie moreland gaines, “documentary filmmaker,” con man, artistic failure, hypocrite, and all around evil son of a bitch
Filed under recommended reblogs
Filed under health, mysterious, poetry, prose poetry
Monster to Monster
I did you a favor
to let you go, to push you away,
to release you. You were too conscious
to be my mate. I need someone
who doesn’t think so much,
who is impervious to my suffering.
Even with someone like that,
I feel I am too painful to be borne.
It is a bigger thing than both of us
being monsters. The words I write
are my gift to you, the only thing
I can possibly give now. I took
so much, I have to give something
back. Even if I am a monster,
do you think that means I don’t
suffer when contemplating
my monstrosity? You think because
I did not stay, I did not love.
I loved as much as any wounded
creature can. I loved as much
as a woman without a whole heart
can love. I loved you in my way,
the only way I have.
Filed under mysterious, poetry
of, like, not dying! from a nonmalignant brain tumor! in my frontal lobe, 35 cms. in diameter, had been there for between 17 & 34 years, they said. donated the tissue to UF’s mcknight brain institute thingie, took a month to cry, woke up, started asking for stuff i’d forgotten i enjoyed because i just thought i was tired all the time, my husband dumped me, that’s okay, he needed dumping his own damned self! so, here i am, 53, alive, happy, energetic, writing TONS, making new friends, etc. etc. etc. and, like getting my ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE back in order, which hubby darling had let slide during his ten years of freeloading off me! like, everything he wanted got done, and basically nothing i wanted got done. so, there was that little tidbit. but, to get back to the point, like, dude, i am totally alive & enjoying myself! for the first time in probably 20 to 25 years!!!!! or whenever that frontal lobe thingie started affecting me. how big does something in the most sensitive, the most HUMAN part of the brain have to be to affect you? probably not all that big. so, you can see how by the end of that little “episode” i was SORT OF TIRED. not tired now. and single! and happy! and, i have a really super hot boyfriend! who is NICE TO ME! who wants me to succeed at what I THINK IS IMPORTANT. so, like, damn! things are looking up!!!!!!
Filed under health, humor, mysterious, notes, science
Under the Stars
My daughter and I are in a tent. We’re sweaty and tired, trying to sleep. Her father & I divorced two years back. This is my daughter’s second camping trip without him. The first, last year, was a disaster… pelting rain & wet dogs, and the fiancé I ended up hating.
All this afternoon, other parents kept joking, Is it time to turn in yet? A lot of times I feel I’ve ruined her life. It’s been a long, long day — hiking, cooking, comforting children. They are so excited to be in the woods until the sun goes down. Married or single, my misery remains about the same.
My stomach hurts, my beautiful daughter says. My head hurts. I can’t get comfy. Was it a bad idea to come here? Was it a bad idea to marry her father? A screech owl calls, breaking the quiet with startling beauty. Of course not. I have my daughter. I just don’t ever want to be that miserable & that alone again.
What’s that? she says, scared. Her fears appear and disappear just like that owl’s voice.
Just an owl, I tell her. I’m not a good mother. She’s eight, she can’t stay awake forever.
That wasn’t so bad after all, my beautiful little girl says in the morning. I am the opposite. I dream of peace but wake to fear.
Filed under poetry
*love*
Life, when it’s boiled down, it comes to one ultimate goal…to fit in, to BELONG!
From the playpen to playground and beyond in the big, wide grown-up world we strive to find that group, however big or small, that makes us feel accepted, loved, understood, appreciated and that we matter: Our Tribe.
For most of us our tribe starts with family, who else really can make you laugh like them, I for one, haven’t come across many who can make me laugh til I make no sound quite like my nearest and dearest.
They know your story and you know theirs. They have your back (most of the time) and when life throws you a curb ball they pick you back up, dust you off and smack you on the bottom to play another day.
Some of us, however, do not care to be members of their family’s tribe and…
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http://doingisbeing.com/category/conscious-health-care/
“we are all the universe manifested through a human nervous system and becoming self-aware; going beyond your ego-encapsulated identity; the secret of healing is the secret of enlightenment; healing is the return of the memory of wholeness; when you’re holy, you’re healed; when you’re healed you lose the fear of death; the best way to reach enlightenment is through the yoga of meditation; cosmic ideas; when you hear them over & over again, at first you may not understand them; but they cause a shift in your consciousness & everything changes.”
Filed under health, mysterious, notes, recommended reblogs, science
The Sword is a Weapon of Love
(originally published in Stark Raving Sanity)
Brutal insight into a relationship occurs when the beloved
vomits in the bed… what can be borne, is, what cannot, dies.
Onslaughts of clarity come in the small hours like chest pains.
Can love survive endless trips to buy food?
Control your feelings — tie your hands together behind your back,
don’t pick up that stone. Family is a genetic firestorm, shelter
yourself in a den carved out of solid rock. Money is what creates evil.
A man I know lies whenever he can, if it will save a buck.
When you cannot decipher the callings of your heart
and soul, listen to loud music.
My grandmother left me a pair of silver goblets, which I
refuse to polish… I drank out of them on my wedding day —
they turned black instantly. Beware of men
with black hair and dark eyes. Beware of men who covet
objects of beauty, including you. Their first
priority on the list of acquisitions is marriage.
When you have two opposing desires, do nothing.
Do first the one, then the other, if possible.
Take both paths simultaneously, and lie to everyone.
Beware of men who accuse you of interrupting.
If you fast for a day, you will experience quick and forceful change in your life.
The sword is a weapon of love. To be cut is to love deeply.
I know a man who hanged himself. His wife cut him down with his own sword.
In the bathroom, use lots of soap, feel emotionally cleansed.
Watch the moon, record it daily, change the color of your hair often.
Let the vines grow over the top of your roof, they will
penetrate your attic and a small wilderness will evolve over your head.
Always have a globe nearby to help you feel small.
Whenever you are embarrassed, take all your clothes off.
This will help you to remember what is really important.
Filed under love, men, mysterious, poetry, relationships, sex, soul, spirit, spiritual, women